Friday, October 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
(written exactly on the ides of last month, the 15th of august,
forgot to post until today. Enjoy!)
Ouch! I bent down and rubbed my poor foot. The flat large (size 8) chubby things were smarting red from the torture of my new shoes. Happens every time I “break in” a new shoe. But not as much as today, because this was not one of my usual flat comfy soft-soled thingies but the very feminine sequined and heeled type that made such an embarrassing tik-tok when I walked, it was more than once that I had resisted the desire to slip them off and throw them away. Whose idea was it? Who else? My mom’s!!! My foot size ensures that the beautiful delicate styles are always beyond my reach. So she jumps at nearly any feminine footwear that’s not a floater or a slipper and also would condescend enough to let my feet get into it. She had to do some heavy coaxing to make me understand that this wasn’t college and I couldn’t project the wild maverick image I had back then. I guess you have seen me… well I really don’t know what you think of me but I am guessing it can’t be flattering…. 5’3’’ might not be short to some but to me it is: I have always been wowed by heights in the neighborhood of a six and I found 5’3’’ very distasteful. What I lacked in the vertical dimension went into increasing my horizontal dimension, centred around my tummy. Yeah “size zero” is in and here I seem to have my own perception of “zero”…one that’s interpreted literally! Unfortunately my very nice ample “Zero” resulted in a wobbly centre-of-mass (I think) and coupled with flat feet, I end up with a gait like a penguin’s. And my face? Well mum says if you could place a compass on the tip of my nose, it would trace my face’s contours!! I have large eyes like a cow caught in a headlight, hidden behind specs and over them, I used to have a black spiked dense bush what people mundanely call eyebrows. My hands are hirsute too. And I let them be that way because I couldn’t ever get the fact which guy can be so precious for a girl to bear so much pain of plucking them off!!!! And hair!! Yeah I get them chopped in a parlor, but hardly once a year….any misbehaving lock from my mane has to face the agony of dad’s moustache clippers or my own paper cutter. Do I do justice to the above pic now? And my idea of clothing is a comfy pair of jeans or shorts and the largest t-shirt lying about. No, I am straight, very!! I did tell you I was wild and moreover this indifference came from an irrevocable knowledge: that the stuff one drools upon in M&Bs, Sehgal’s and Sparks’ are plain fictional, such perfection doesn’t exist in the real life and any other specimen would be a pathetically mediocre compromise! So I took the easier path: avoiding and trying my best to repel any misconceptions or suggestions of alliance and dalliance…..and hence having a blissfully peaceful and uncomplicated existence. And honestly, off the record, I have mixed feelings about it, just like I do about everything else: it can suck without any attention but when I do get it, I wish I’d rather be a corner-flower…hehehe. Ah that’s me babbling away from the topic again!
I think this is the first such post where I have rambled on without musing on what the next line is gonna be. Or even what the topic is going to be about. I am writing spontaneously, without chalking out an outline and I am writing the first thought that comes to me. So enjoy a peep into how my mind works! ;)
I wrote mainly because some people, who just can’t have enough of my typical brain-sucking, asked me to write more. And so I did. And honestly, I realize I have missed it. So I, for once, liberated from the constraints of any topic or care for corrigibility, decided to write about myself. Truly as I perceive myself. Yes, that was an issue too….several people have branded me as a “mysterious puzzle”, some going as far as an “unpredictable unfathomable vixen”. Is it that bad?? That’s true a bit I guess….I am more of the listener and if I open up to some-one, I can be quite talkative but discussing my inner state is usually a big no-no. About what ticks me, well…there’s lots of them: good company, good food, good song, a good fight…….and about what turns me off…well, sarcasm, most of all, then invading my space….as usual the list is long! I think that’s enough for now.
Anyways so skipping back to the context broached upon 2 paragraphs before, when I took up this job, mum decided I needed a make-over. Nice shoes, nice watch, tidy hair…and prim pressed salwar-suits every day, even a napkin for my nose, another for my face, yet another for spreading out on my lap while eating…… …aaargh!!!! But that’s how it is. The new “job” life. And I can’t say I have been looking forward for it. College life was so much better….carefree and fun without a damn to anything….no complicacies like workplace etiquettes or timings. And I feel sorely out of place. I can’t get over the feeling of not being student and so immaturities in most of my actions still persist. And it just isn’t me…most friends are facing the flak of this “shock” right now. You just can’t lick off a molten chocolate with your fingers here, or “half share” a cold-drink, or plunge your hand into some-one else’s lunch-box without asking or play truth-&-dare or scream at the top of your voices. And what sucks more is to have to teach the people who can still do that. Woe is me indeed! And a bigger woe are these damned shoes!! I fall off from even my flat platforms, these were a horror! They kept getting stuck at every bit of slushy ground I laid my feet on and I had to be careful not to appear like a dog digging up the ground for a bone. It’s so tough to be a girl! As I keep telling to anyone who bothers to listen to the thought, every guy who disrespects a woman should get his bum kicked into some parlour, have a hair to toe treatment including waxes and threads, slipped into spaghetti and minis and a stiletto….for a day. That should drill some respect into his head!!
Oh yes, talking about myself, people keep asking me what I am up to right now. Well, I gave up the Tata Power job, which was an on-campus placement and I joined as RA in a university here instead. I shall be here, at home, gearing up for the long wait until the call from some univ. Touchwood!! And maybe, work on myself, as I promised. I am not the image I had in mind…of the type of person I wanted to be. I am volatile and fickle. And sometimes, immature. Several times I fail to fathom the real depth of someone’s feelings. I want to change all that. I want to be like Alan or Fleinhardt (Numb3rs, current obsession) who solve every emotional conundrum with a wise brief sentence and always appear so balanced and cool. Maybe I will someday be like that. Hopefully! Hey that reminds me….the latest is Colby Granger/Dylan Bruno!!! Gotcha? MIT and quarterback and acting-FBI agent do make a dangerously alluring combo!! :D
PS- I read this post and I hope it doesn’t come across as a depressive dissatisfied babbles of a budding sociopath on the brink of a breakdown. On the contrary!! I shall always be, as you know me and the description was really an attempt to lighten up everything…..I have realized the safest area for jokes is oneself and not other’s shortcomings! And about looks, once again I am not dissatisfied; I am more than content to look how I am…... After all, I hardly lack attention to desire any more ;-)…or realistically have it this way: I am better off without a schmuck who values only looks!
And I am returning to my floaters tomorrow. The heels may RIP! I am signing off now. May the Justice League up above who makes the universe roll give me some profound sense to write something sensible and relevant topic next time!
And wait one more thing!!! Did I mention I am trying to pick up some Italian and Spanish (I prefer the latter). Why on Earth??? Well….who knows? The fabled dreamy “perfection” (80% of them all are either spanish or italian, god knows why!) might just decide to jump out of that M&B and meet me in some alley some day….and I would be ready then with my “Buenos dias, guapo cara!!”* and a smile- but alas!! Even my grin looks like……um…..let’s say Katy Perry’s in TGIF! Know what I mean now?? Woe is….sigh… :-B
For the moment, Buenas noches!!** Buena Suerte!***
[a PS to PS : for normal people, an index]
*Goodmorning, attractive face!
And common…you should know the meaning of Mi Amor!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Sorry. But first take my flurries of gratitude "xoxoxoxox"s for even bothering with my blog.
Hang on a month more. I have my sems, then my GRE on 30 June and TOEFL on 9th July so my absence here has to be excused please. I promise I shall be back with another of my ragged insane posts on 30June or 9th July.
I have my grand big-daddy viva tomorrow (21st may), that's supposedly going to cover every core subject in our syllabus right uptil 8th sem. Am I tensed? Even knowing the fact that I probably know nothing except the mundane V=I*R and there are two marshallah externals coming up? And also that I am the only one in the class who is doing her project solo? Nyaaaahhh!!!!
I am boring away at my presentation though. And getting high.......courtesy Floyds, Beatles and Zepplins and Linkin Park and Lavignes and Jal. Though I'd say the person who says LP is crap and accuses them of plagiarism is an absolute schmuck and all I want to do is thrash him/her up, still I'd have to thank this schmuck today for reminding me of these classics. For now I realise there cant be a better companion for tonight. Ummm........everything is so perfect right now I want to freeze it. The weather is awesome: eerily windy, cool, drizzling....that addictive smell of the first rain on earth (why the hell dont they try to bottle it?)..... and a distance thundering....that lends more cadence to these classic songs. Goldy is lying by my feet, his head on my toes and Toto on the other side of my chair, happily withdrawn into his shell. And my super yummy strong coffee!! Superb Bliss! Inspite of that viva tomorrow....
Yeah and we had a nice storm today. The kind I love. Loud thundering, torrential rain. Raw, Wild, Pure Power.....well something as beautiful as rain deserves an orchestration, right? Well the only problem is that a bolt of lightening felt so close to our house, it blew away my room's fan, the shock waves cracked 2 glass panes and my CFL too :-/
I have to stop now or else I will go on and on about it. I actually wrote something on it but thought it too stupid to post. I mean your's face is all distorted now and you want to say, "Ankita, there's better things to write about than some hackneyed occurrences" right?
And A few days back I went through my blog and the posts seemed so amateurish, maudlin and so lacking of gravity, I actually thought twice about ripping off my blog totally. And then I thought, no let it be. This is me. If a painfully inane thing pleases me, I cant help it. Maybe some years later when I am caught up in the rat-race (whatever you and I say, its inevitable), when all that starts mattering to me is my pay-check (Heaven Forbid), maybe these inane posts will remind me of what I was, of how I was still satisfied when I didn't give a damn to money, of how there's more and beyond to life than some 10-5 job....of the time when I was really really happy.....
What the fell! What am I writing???? I am sure as usual it doesn't make sense. I am not to blame! Its 4.30 and I cant be expected to make sense anyway.
So here goes my 10mins of break time. Got to get back to work.
And by the way I have my farewell too tomorrow and I am most probably not going. Two reasons:
1) The dress code is saree. Me and Saree!!!! If not a major warddrobe malfunction, I am sure going to trip and fall and make a large hole in it. No bloody way!!!
2) Goodbyes are a beyotch! I hate them. I'd rather not go than feel shitty about it for a week and wet my pillows
Monday, April 4, 2011
What's more liberating than venting out your feelings right? Maybe....some go and wet a friend's t-shirt crying their hearts out, some punch walls or soft-toys. As for me, my luck that my friends are sleeping (its 2.30 a.m!), I live in a Govt. quarter so I cant damage the walls and my soft-toys are expensive beloved gifts. There's nothing good being aired on tv, I have watched all the movies in my lappy and obviously, I cant get out of the house at this hour and have a speedy ride through the city. Nor can I get ice-cream now. And I finished off all ice-cubes with my juice a few hours back. And a shower now would be deadly!! Since my best options are gone, I fall back on this stupid target for "liberating" my frustration: blogging
Anyways, the weekend was superb. Saturday had a college fest and I anchored with 3 other wonderful people for the cultural part. It was important, I had been waiting for this since a year....because I wanted to set something right.....a kind of promise I had made to myself. So you think I am crazy that I take such a banal job so passionately. Yeah, hell I do.....everything is kind of pretty intense with me (No use of a half-hearted attempt at anything, right?)
Anyways, the same day, India won the world cup, after 28 years....I reached home just in time for the last 10 overs and it was awesome!! Dhoni conquered the cup with a clean swept sixer at the end. Papa jumped up with screams and tears and I was shocked at first, then kind of gave the same reaction when it sunk in. A friend gave the perfect FB post to sum it up: "anhonee ko honi kar de, honi ko anhonee, ek jagah jab jama ho teeno, Rajni Ghajni aur Dhoni..." LOL...what a sense of humor!! (rajnikanth, amir khan were there in the stadium)
And sunday ushered in just like that
I was under a rule: fest for 1 day. I wont elucidate on that. Sunday was the main event and since the fest-baboos made some rule that people who anchored on sunday would have to do on saturday, I chose saturday. And so, I didn't turn up on sunday. And sunday supposedly I had to anchor again (inspite of my repeated reminders I couldn't do it). Hey don't blame me, there wasnt any problem in my no-show and the fest went on super-smoothly. Of course, with me sulking at home!
And today, I saw....a kind of indirect (but pretty direct) public humiliation in a public forum of 550 people (juniors, batchmates n alumni) by someone I thought was a good friend. He had let my name slip from the list of anchor acknowledgments. Was it intentional? Was it or am I just being immature? Or was it unintentional?? Bah!! He is my classmate and he was there on saturday!!!
I dont know. And I dont want to know. The harm has been done. Even if the fault is rectified, all will assume something's amiss....that there's some issue or I put up a a very forgettable (or unforgettably bad, whichever you prefer) appearance. Maybe I am over-reacting. Or maybe under-reacting. But what would you do in this situation? You would have felt all crapped up anyway, right? Maybe you would have pushed it aside and convinced yourself that your name just slipped by your classmate. But I am not you. I did tell you, things are always pretty intense with me.
How do i feel now? I dont care anymore. Life's a little tough now....nothing is going my way and there's too much to handle. Its one of those periods in your life when you are in a high-stress situation, emotionally wrung..and you just feel you are finally cracking. And this was just the topping on the cake! I don't even care I am showing my stupid vulnerable face to you
Wow, that was the first post I think which displays I get affected by negative emotions too, right? I never ever wanted to write stuff like this but hello, I am normal and I just cant go about with a smile pasted on my face 24/7/365 (nothing personal, leaps!). I get into those moods too when I want to throw back my head and scream, scream, scream......
I have had enough!!
There goes all my appeal as a balanced mature creature. But it also disproved a particular someone who used to say I am a cold-hearted devil! I am not cold-hearted.....I simply hate to feel/register/acknowledge any negative emotion (that includes anger/resentment/sorrow/depression...any emotion that's not happiness).... I feel awkward whenever I face these emotions.....I prefer to clam up and fall quiet. Not that I don't understand. I do!! I am a good cry tshirt ;)
And I did ask you not to read this post, right? Well you did, so here's my worst coldest adios to you!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I don't know what to write about. I could write about myself and my life, but I am not the open-book type, unless I am with my clique members. Also, there's no fun in a puzzle you know the solution to, right?? :P
Anyway, I hate being a girl sometimes. And sometimes as in right now. Why? Well, our class had planned a nice picnic to a spot 5hours away, near keonjhar......all was well until one of my bros in keonjhar said the spot wasn't safe for"kids", full of drunkards and drug-addicts. And since then, my parents refuted to let me go until a teacher accompanied us. KIDS??? I am 21! I can drive, vote, get a job and.....how can I still be a kid? Know what? I am sure if I had been a guy, they would have consented but its because I am a girl that the protectiveness butts in. ~8 years of karate. 3years of unchallenged winner in kumite (fight). How better do I prove that I am good enough to beat up any loafer? The real world is worse and more dangerous, baby. I disagree! If I could survive against that bull Harneet and the shredder Priyanka, I can chop up anyone! (More on the two later). Alas, only I believe that; pragmatic people like my parents don't. And it's true, its not totally a safe world for girls, is it? And you know the reason! Bad bad creatures of the opposite sex. Masochistic, sexist, impudent, insolent beeps!! If papa speeds up and overtakes a guy, nothing happens. If I am alone and speed up and overtake a guy, usually the guy speeds up too, overtakes me and (sometimes) sticks out a thumbs-down to me. Who's racing with you jerk? You aren't even a man! If you were, you wouldn't race with a 75cc with your 150cc.
Anyways, I was doing my sulking-act since morning quite well and as always, papa took me out for a gupchup (aka golgappa aka phuchka aka panipuri) treat in the evening to placate me (yep, gupchup is the best panacea when it comes to me). And then a chuski. Yummy!! Who in their right minds can be angry after that??!! I don't mind being scolded and irked a 1000 times for this make-up treat at the end!!! :):)
but that doesn't mean I am all happy and given up the picnic idea. No, never! Its the last picnic I ever will have with my friends and I am not letting it go. I don't give up easily!! I have something in my mind and if it works.....fingers crossed! Wish me luck!!!!
Ouch. I have to stop. My neck hurts with the cramp. My wisdom tooth still hurts (haven't got my 1st one yet and god, if you are reading this, please do comment and tell me that if someone can live 18years happily with 28 teeth, 4 daant aur ab deke tadpaane ki kyon soojhi aapko? Sadist!!). And my brain hurts coz of the chuski. Need my hot caffeine fix!! So bye
Hey do me a favor. Suggest me some topics to write about. Anything you want to know, barring my too-personal life. Or my opinion about something. Or comment on my blogging, how I can improve it.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
I have nothing particular to write about. 14th feb is coming up. It is the climax of a series of ludicrously marked days, what I believe is, the itinerary teen couples follow. Chocolate Day. Teddy Day. Smile Day. Promise Day. Propose Day. Whoa!! Every single day, my inbox is filled with "Happy whatever-it-is-today" texts. You want to really wish me? Give me real chocolates. Not the ones sent in texts that are composed of exclamation marks, hyphens and underscores. Its almost like hugging my pillow and thinking of it to be Enrique.
And trust me, the D-day sucks. I get coy texts from friends with "hey, what's the plan for today? ;)". FB sees the greatest exodus of users (2nd to orkut, of course!), most buddies take off for impressing the wannabe. And so, I get super-bored on this day!
Anyways, the V-fever didn't fail to infect my parents.
Today morning, we three sat down for breakfast. (The day before, their friends Anuradha aunty and Ashish uncle had visited)
Ma sipped the tea and said: "I dont know how Ashish liked my tea, to me it tastes like horse-pee"
I almost puked. "Ma", I exclaimed,"Yuck, you-"
She interrupted. "Anyways, I saw a Tanishq ad in the newspaper. There are pretty diamonds on sale, Rs.999/- each. Since 14th Feb is coming, you will gift me na?", she said to Papa.
Papa replied, "And you will get me a pair of trousers, ok? And diamonds at Rs.999/-?? Haha, good joke. Most likely they collect the slurry left over from cutting real diamonds, add water and give it a diamondy shape. But fine, will get you one".
I said, "You both are so shameless! Isnt the gift supposed to be a surprise from the other? And aren't you concerned it might put a negative impact on me?"
Ma said, "Isn't it better than your papa gifting me a cricket bat and I gifting him a jewellery set? And to your second question, well, you are hopeless!"
I said next, "Ok, enough about your gifts. What are you two giving me?"
Papa said, "Why should we? You are not our valentine!".
I said, "Yeah...but I am your pyaar-ki-nishaani. Shouldn't it be a little different and special for me?"
Ma looked and looked at me and said to papa, "Ok fine. I am giving you our daughter. Trousers out. Diamonds still in though".
Papa protested, "Hey, trousers are far better!"
Hopeless, I took an extra large glob of tamarind sauce and winced as it hit my sensitive tooth.
Papa scolded, "Why do you eat all that when you know its eating up your enamel".
I shot back, "I dont care. I will, as long as I have teeth".
Papa retorted, "No, if you eat this stuff at this rate, I bet you wont be alive till that age".
I turned to Ma, "The truth, Ma!! Am I adopted?"
Papa grinned, "If we had adopted you, it would have been a non-chubby, non-myopic good daughter without a hearing problem".
Oh this is nothing. Being the only kid, I get teased a lot more than this. And in a way I have been threatened not to write about in my blog. And sniff-sniff, noone sympathises!!
My tortoise? Only thing he sympathises is with his 24/7/365(+1) hungry tummy. And he breaks all biological rules: he breaks his hibernation just to have a snack and hibernates again!
My dog? Sympathy??? He is a devil incarnate! Did you know he bit me just because Ma hugged me infront of him? I had to get 4 injections that gave me biceps for 2 days!!
The fish? Oh sure, its soothing at first when they flock to your dipped finger and kiss it but the reality hits soon when they swim away with a look of contempt as they realise your finger is not their daily bit of spirulina.
And for godsakes, I am not having a hearing problem. Its just a bad allergy to something and my ear lobe feels bitten by fire-ants. And it isn't a new thing, I get weird untraceable allergies a lot!
But whatever, I cant live without these things. If I do move away this year, which is inevitable, I don't know how the hell I am going to pull on.
Back to the topic. Have a nice 14th Feb, people I am having a nice spot here......my parents are off for a movie and I'm alone at home. Hey, no sweat! I watched Sanctum with my friends last week and though it does leave a impact, it doesn't deserve a 2nd watch. So I'm blogging, a bit of those words and my fav: bingo achaari masti dipped in a mixture of tamarind pickle, tomato sauce and lime pickle. Super Yummilicious!!!
And if you are in my contact list, expect to be wished a happy-Slap-Day and Happy-Kick-Day when they come up. They are my favs amongst this whole list.
oops I forgot, by the way, I sympathise with you lovers, GATE was surely scheduled by a sadistic mind, to be held nearabout 14th, right? Poor you! As for me, I am off to nurse my ear-on-fire and my tickling-tooth.