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Saturday, February 12, 2011

Happy V-Day!!

First of all, sorry for my hiatus, my exodus, my....oh crap, bite me! That's the GRE fever. For those normal people still unfazed by ostentatious words you need to learn, I am sorry for not filling in my blog. Not that I am confident my blog rakes in a commendable number of readers, but yeah, its whatever....I had a bout of mere indolence. And a wee bit of clinomania. Crap again. Swear i will try and keep to my normal trashy vocab.
I have nothing particular to write about. 14th feb is coming up. It is the climax of a series of ludicrously marked days, what I believe is, the itinerary teen couples follow. Chocolate Day. Teddy Day. Smile Day. Promise Day. Propose Day. Whoa!! Every single day, my inbox is filled with "Happy whatever-it-is-today" texts. You want to really wish me? Give me real chocolates. Not the ones sent in texts that are composed of exclamation marks, hyphens and underscores. Its almost like hugging my pillow and thinking of it to be Enrique.
And trust me, the D-day sucks. I get coy texts from friends with "hey, what's the plan for today? ;)". FB sees the greatest exodus of users (2nd to orkut, of course!), most buddies take off for impressing the wannabe. And so, I get super-bored on this day!
Anyways, the V-fever didn't fail to infect my parents.
Today morning, we three sat down for breakfast. (The day before, their friends Anuradha aunty and Ashish uncle had visited)
Ma sipped the tea and said: "I dont know how Ashish liked my tea, to me it tastes like horse-pee"
I almost puked. "Ma", I exclaimed,"Yuck, you-"
She interrupted. "Anyways, I saw a Tanishq ad in the newspaper. There are pretty diamonds on sale, Rs.999/- each. Since 14th Feb is coming, you will gift me na?", she said to Papa.
Papa replied, "And you will get me a pair of trousers, ok? And diamonds at Rs.999/-?? Haha, good joke. Most likely they collect the slurry left over from cutting real diamonds, add water and give it a diamondy shape. But fine, will get you one".
I said, "You both are so shameless! Isnt the gift supposed to be a surprise from the other? And aren't you concerned it might put a negative impact on me?"
Ma said, "Isn't it better than your papa gifting me a cricket bat and I gifting him a jewellery set? And to your second question, well, you are hopeless!"
I said next, "Ok, enough about your gifts. What are you two giving me?"
Papa said, "Why should we? You are not our valentine!".
I said, "Yeah...but I am your pyaar-ki-nishaani. Shouldn't it be a little different and special for me?"
Ma looked and looked at me and said to papa, "Ok fine. I am giving you our daughter. Trousers out. Diamonds still in though".
Papa protested, "Hey, trousers are far better!"
Hopeless, I took an extra large glob of tamarind sauce and winced as it hit my sensitive tooth.
Papa scolded, "Why do you eat all that when you know its eating up your enamel".
I shot back, "I dont care. I will, as long as I have teeth".
Papa retorted, "No, if you eat this stuff at this rate, I bet you wont be alive till that age".
I turned to Ma, "The truth, Ma!! Am I adopted?"
Papa grinned, "If we had adopted you, it would have been a non-chubby, non-myopic good daughter without a hearing problem".
Oh this is nothing. Being the only kid, I get teased a lot more than this. And in a way I have been threatened not to write about in my blog. And sniff-sniff, noone sympathises!!
My tortoise? Only thing he sympathises is with his 24/7/365(+1) hungry tummy. And he breaks all biological rules: he breaks his hibernation just to have a snack and hibernates again!
My dog? Sympathy??? He is a devil incarnate! Did you know he bit me just because Ma hugged me infront of him? I had to get 4 injections that gave me biceps for 2 days!!
The fish? Oh sure, its soothing at first when they flock to your dipped finger and kiss it but the reality hits soon when they swim away with a look of contempt as they realise your finger is not their daily bit of spirulina.
And for godsakes, I am not having a hearing problem. Its just a bad allergy to something and my ear lobe feels bitten by fire-ants. And it isn't a new thing, I get weird untraceable allergies a lot!
But whatever, I cant live without these things. If I do move away this year, which is inevitable, I don't know how the hell I am going to pull on.
Back to the topic. Have a nice 14th Feb, people I am having a nice spot parents are off for a movie and I'm alone at home. Hey, no sweat! I watched Sanctum with my friends last week and though it does leave a impact, it doesn't deserve a 2nd watch. So I'm blogging, a bit of those words and my fav: bingo achaari masti dipped in a mixture of tamarind pickle, tomato sauce and lime pickle. Super Yummilicious!!!
And if you are in my contact list, expect to be wished a happy-Slap-Day and Happy-Kick-Day when they come up. They are my favs amongst this whole list.
oops I forgot, by the way, I sympathise with you lovers, GATE was surely scheduled by a sadistic mind, to be held nearabout 14th, right? Poor you! As for me, I am off to nurse my ear-on-fire and my tickling-tooth.