Umm, I did it.....

(drafted at 2.30 in the mornin of 22nd july)
Its my last night at IITD. It is a good thing because it means soon I will be flying back to my folks at home whom I have missed like hell. And by folks, I mean my pets too!!! And it is a bad thing because I'll miss this place and also I do not have the slightest idea on how to finish my report, get it printed, bind it and submit it tomorrow, all within a time frame of 10hours
I walk again to the reception I mentioned in my last post, with a fat book, hoping desperately it will tell me how to get perfect uniform sinusoids out of the mess I have created, which looked like I have put together every simulink block that impressed me without understanding what it really did. My first output was like a 2 year child's sketch across a wall--jagged colourful RYB current waveforms that had taken the liberty to go wherever they wished to on my scope screen. The starting transients sure would have blown off the top of a generator....I was glad I was working on a virtual platform. Anyways, I tweaked my model, doing major desperate replacements like using a PID instead of a hysterisis controller. That helped somewhat and I got something this time that looked like- atleast a distant relative of a sinusoid! Happy, I tweaked it even more and this time, it was a straight line- fixed at zero. I ran the model again and again, with silent prayers, harnessing a wild hope that as it happens with the hero's heartbeat line in typical bollywood movies, my model's straight line would give a blip and transform into a beautiful 50Hz 1pu sinusoid. But I guess Mathworks didn't have time for mushy bollywood stuff.
Fact is, Electrical Machines, my project area, does not interest me much, so I deviated. But that is a different story!
So I stretch out on the couch with my book but I am hardly in the mood to study. So I check out the IEEE newsletter, which features an interview of Gordon Day and Joseph Lillie, candidates for 2011 IE3 presidentship. It is boring like hell, the only small ha-ha line was when Day was asked about his favourite college memory and he replied "Visiting the college library to talk to the librarian (I married her)". Ha-aah-yawwwwn!!!
I switch over to IE3 spectrum and read about a "barbecue savior"- a thing that uses 8 cameras and powerful lasers that tracks and zap down mosquitoes. My tired mind calculates that the thing costs roughly about--10lakhs or more. What shit! If people came to my barbecue party I would do no more than giving out cheap fly swatters!!
I decide what to do next. I have already had my coffee, finished TOI, HT and Hindu, IE3 newsletters, todays' sudoku. Even the stream of babes returning to hostel has thinned (oh, please, stop thinking what you are thinking--beauty should be appreciated anyway). Even the female night guard here is taciturn. I am bored. So why the hell am I up, right? No, I am not trying to "seep in iitd". Fact is, I want to get that Jen look again. I want to look pitiable to my prof tommorrow as I make a helpless-puppy face and beg for my certificate. If that doesn't help, I don't know what else will!!

"Have a nice day"

(ps-- this draft was actually written at 3.30 in the morning)

Life is a mean teacher. It taught me 2 things today. First, to stop being a lazy carefree idiot. Second, the claim by windows 2007 about perfect autosaves and recovery, one-touch recovery and other such fancy technical blah-blah is just bullshit. Yesterday, my prof gave me a piece of assignment to write. I said I would do it and get it the next day,to which he refused. "Get it when I come next, I am going to Chandigarh". The big lazy sloth that I am, I take off the whole day, I read a novel, take an extra long coffee break and so on.
Next day when I crossed this prof's room, I saw he was in...the heavy rains had cancelled his chandi trip. Shit.Shit. Shit. Damn me. I could see a "you-are-just-wasting-your-time" scolding coming my way. Scoldings are ok with me, what feels far lot worse is when he shrugs his shoulder and smiles at me and says "okay, when you have the time"---i feel like a total disappointment. I had it once and I didn't want that anymore.
I slam down my satchel, whip out my lappy and get working like crazy. Shit. I had left the algo paper back at my room. It was 10.30 I think when I recovered from shock and mustered enough wits to start writing from scratch. I had an appointment with the Asso. Dean too. And bank work. Priya ma'am forces me to go with her for lunch--she is the latest in the long line of people who reprimand me for my unhealthy fooding habits. But somehow I convince her I'll survive one more day on coffee and sandwiches.
I reached the AD's office right on time. "He is in a meeting" his assistant tells me. I was irritated...."my time's precious too" I wanted to scream. I had been so many times to the deans' section here, I perhaps knew every single spider and his home on every single corner of the walls. But when it is with the boss, you just cant just protest verbally. So a firm resolve not to go back without meeting him this time, I set down my things right in front of his office, sit down on the floor myself and start working (I had to finish the damn thing too, boo-hoo!). AD comes out with his meeting group and they stare at me. I stand up and say "Goodafternoon everyone, A*** Sir?" I ask. A small kind and calm looking gentleman, who seemed most surprised of the lot nods and ushers me in. Gandhigiri rocks!! I almost burst out in a grin when he says "you shouldn't be so stressed for work. You are in delhi, enjoy!" And he gives me a list of must-sees in delhi. You have no idea, sir....hadn't I been in a race to save my skin, I probably would have been chatting away in the lab and trying stupid Facebook applications.
Anyways, the job is finished at 15.30 and I am pleased. I happily report to my prof. "Run the prog" he says. I then realise I am so hungry I could eat my nails. "Uhh, can I have my lunch first please?" I ask. Another scolding ending in "kama paen pagala heluni, jaa ebe bhala se khaiki aa (you are going crazy for work, go and eat properly)". Sandwich again. That would be 4 slices of bread and 3 cups of coffee since morning.
Back at hostel, I got a new roomy today!! Well, nothing compared to my former sweetheart, but she is an awesome shiny different coin anyway. Tough, pretty, smart and great attitude....she exudes it all as I shake hands with her and welcome her.....back from my guide days, I have stuck to the habit of sometimes using my left hand for a first-time handshake. She looks flustered at first, then realises why I offered her my left hand. "I am glad" she grins. I wish I had something to offer her, she sure must be hungry. But the sole occupant of my food boxes is last-week's chilla that fungus had already feasted upon. It then dawns upon me that I had forgotten to brush again today. Dont pucker up your nose, reader, I have a perfect alibi for it: Su's absence. Almost everyday she went through a verbal checklist, verifying that I hadn't forgotten the mundane under work pressure. "Brush kiya? Nahaaya? Khaana khaya?" This kiya and that kiya. If I had forgotten anything, she would start shouting at me till I had finished doing it. The hostel is brimming over with new students and it really feels nice to watch them...happiness glows bright on their and their parents' faces for making it into the premier institute of the country. So I just wander about watching them until I reach the basement. I see this sweet little all-smiles girl dragging about a mattress alone. I help her, and we start chatting. Whoopie...another nice friend, the types I knew I would love to hang out with!! But damn, I am here for less than 2 days more.
I come back to my room and I start simulating my program- a crazy 20 variable function optimisation with something like 1000 iterations. My phone beeps, it is an unexpected call and before I can stop myself, I slam down the lid of my lappy. It was after the call that I begin to comprehend what I had done....too late. The program was corrupted now and useless. I start swearing until I realise I am not alone in the room. I end up squeaking "What the f-ell" but no use lamenting over that caller's bad timing!! . So I move out to the reception, sink into a comfy couch and start all over again. I even dozed off...the hostel night-shift female guard I chat with every night after my coffee trip wakes me up, hands me a bed-sheet and says "beta, sofa pe hi so jao, bahot thak gaye ho". In a strong wave of emotion, typical of me when I am sleepy, I feel like giving her a hug for the gesture but I feel too lazy to get up from the couch and do that. How I wish I could sleep on that incredibly soft couch but I cant and tell her so. So she says "achha, aap kaam karo, khatam ho jaae toh mujhe utha dena beta". So well...right now I am manning her desk for her (And working. And blogging too) until the control room sends a dispatch for checking (:D) while she sleeps peacefully on the couch.....chances are that she is going to get lucky enough and have a full night's sleep today.....The 3rd lift of the lift shaft nearby has gone bonkers and the mechanical female voice says over and over again "have a nice day". It is so irritating that I get up and walk to the lift, jab at the 7th floor button and kick its door hard. That set it right I guess and it whooshes up the shaft, its parting voice echoing down "have a nice day"....I curse again. Hah! Nice day...my eyes look like a racoon's, my hair is in a worse mess than usual, my face almost reminds me of that hungry-Jen-face in Jennifer's body and I am actually hungry (not for human innards though). But I love what I am doing, I am happy, I have great company and I guess that's all that matters....so yep, I am having nice days (without the sarcasm this time)

Dedicated to the new people I met, who made my life even more beautiful...

"Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by....."
--Michael Jackson (Smile,2006)

I sometimes can't help wondering stupidly if the decisions I make are a gamble, an independent choice of a thread to which my life gets tethered henceforth or did I choose that because "fate" had it written down, as they say? I do not quite warm up to this concept, as I claim, quite boisterously- that I do not want something else to be in control of my life when I am working so hard at it.
Anyways, I wonder now what would have been the alternate course of events (chucking you aside, Fate) if I had turned down this internship (if truth be told, I actually didn't want to, but people forced me to, until I got quite irritated and landed here). Simple. I wouldn't have met such wonderful people and gone through the phase, that I can feel are changing my life.
Su went home today. I haven't known a more selfless, sweeter, warm and dedicated person before. I can't heelp grinning at my poor pillow, massacred in the pillow fight with her. At this time, she would have pinged me from her lab with her "miss u, love u, muah" and hearts. When I go back to our room, she would have started her weird activities, just to get a kick and a hug. And late at night, she would have woken up and said "So jao na ab, tabiyat bigadoge". She was the perfect little sis to me. I walked back to my room yesterday and stared at the empty cot and table opposite. No more of her clothes are strewn all over the room: even on my chair and bed. The room feels deserted and dead. It's then that I start feeling lonely and upset. I knew she had to go someday but now that I am actually alone and realise I don't have a single friend here, I feel really pissed. Missing her apart, unless by choice, I hate being alone. It was a terrible sinking feeling.
I have a queer habit of drinking lots of water whenever I go through any strong emotion. I walk out to fill my bottle and my thoughts are interrupted by a voice behind me..."Shundor kurti....where did you get it?' I turn around, it is a couple of pretty research scholars back from my lab, Papiya Ma'am and Priya Ma'am, people I hadn't chatted with much before. "Lajpat", I reply. And we start chatting there. New friends...yippeee!! Soon enough, they invite me to go out with them...and at dinner, we swap stories over peals of loud laughter (typical to us bengalis) as if we were acquainted since years.
Half an hour later, there is a knock on my door--Papiya Ma'am. She had brought me a pretty bracelet and a chocolate bar. I reprimand her for the formality and she replied "I want you to remember me, it is a token of my love and affection". Who would forget a sweet and warm pretty lady like her anyway? But I am touched...I just love these fast strong bondings (I do not have enough patience to follow the dheere-dheere-dosti-badhegi ideology ). She folds up her legs on my bed and we chat for about an hour. At last she goes back, saying "tumi khoob mishti bolo, khoob bhalo laglo tomaar shonge kotha hoe".....right back at you ma'am.....(this morning as I wrote this, I had a nice long chat with Priya didi too....she is damn innocent, both of us were scared of our mentor-the same scary prof and lastly clutched hands and went to him together). I feel blessed. Really. Somehow I always meet people who make me smile and keep me happy. It's small incidents like these that keep reminding me happiness is always lurking nearby....just hold on!!
I hear a rumble and walk out for a coffee. The night is cool and windy. I dont actually need it but I want to refresh those moments with friends. On the way, I chat with another new friend who is exceptionally talented but still maintains his modesty somehow (if I prefix 'geek' too, I guess you will scold me again :( :P ), who in his gentle and polite manner teaches me the importance and pleasure of being humble and remembering your roots always. In the short span of knowing him, strangely enough, he has successfully motivated me back to focus and eased my tension about the future......And P. sir too, who is god-sent for me.....
I sit at the same place where 2 weeks back, Su Khu and I got wet in the rain, sipping coffee. I then walk down the road where Anshu, Vipul, Kiran Di and I spent beautiful moments together. The vision of the day comes back to me clearly, when we shared our lives and sandwiches while I sketched caricatures. We almost shed tears laughing!!!
I look above and smile to myself. A single drop of cold drain falls on my smile. Tathastu, I interprete.
I want to thank you all for teaching me a little something by your memorable personas.......for making me glad that I chose the right thread......for making my life beautiful......for making me smile.......for sharing my life......for make me want to ask the big gamer in the heavens above to somehow let me re-live all those moments with you......for making me almost want to break out in a chant--"Encore, Life!!!"

Dedicated to.....

♫ I step into the night,

And you are such a beautiful sight...
Speckled over your black gown,
The stars shine down...
I know you are there,
By the way you play with my hair...
Someday I'll come to you I promise
But I must see a thousand more sun,
Before my job here is done......


ps: i still claim I am not a sentimentalist. That was just being impulsive....well, yesterday night was incredibly beautiful.....clear, breezy and quiet......

More Than I Ask For----as usual!!

The past few days have been a crazy cocktail of emotions. Ok, I am not the senti kind but you know- I am not a mannequin either. So here goes:

:) :) :) :) :)
Smiles came trough small things. Like spending the weekend with bhaiya and bhabhi, finally getting the kind of ear-rings I have been searching for something like 5 years, maybe more, half of the bitchy program code was finally making sense, my momo being extra yummy and henceforth. The highlight should be that it rained again and we (roomy and I) got wet like never before. It was raining with so much thundering- we were on the 7th floor terrace of our hosty and we watched the rain beat us in powerful waves. Beneath us, the trees swayed like paper streamers. The wild wind even gave me a nice mod spiky hair-style! We also watched as a bolt of lightning struck down a transformer. In fact, we saw 2 transformers and one transmission line blowing away. It was beautiful- the things burst out in bright green flames and then yellow-orange sparklers. Yup, dangerous weather to be out, but it was so beautifully addictive that we didn’t give a thought that we could be next to burst into flames! Didn’t I tell you once that coffee and rain make a great combo? Well, so does hot spicy bhutta- corn cobs and rain!! I realized that yesterday; try it sometime too


:( :( :( :( :(
You know I don’t go to labs anymore. It looks as if run over by zombies. My lab friends are gone, now there are just a couple of Rassis or so. And among them, I have never seen Noddy or Mr.Nerd show any emotion (intros later). But the worst was when I was going to insti and I saw a small baby mynah being attacked violently by 6 or so grown up mynahs. It had been so brutally attacked that its scalp was missing- there was a deep wound in its head, that bled so badly, its back was covered in blood. I picked it up-it didn’t have the will to protest but it snuggled up in my hands anyway. By the time I reached insti I feared it was already dead, it was so quiet and its head had rolled to one side. A kind sir helped me give it some first aid and the next I knew, it was hopping about cheerfully. I was so happy!! Until this cat jumped on her and took it away. There are 2 kind of animals I hate- cats and snakes. And this is why. I swear if I see that cat ever again, I’ll kill it. So I was upset when I met my prof…he kept on asking me what was wrong, why I looked so upset and why I had turned so pale. Obviously, I couldn’t say, he would think me foolish and a senti wreck. So finally had to blurt out-“low bp”

:X :X :X :X :X
Well, nothing new except those crazy codes again. Somehow miraculously I'm holding my temper a lot nowadays!

:O :O :O :O :O
Yeah, that happened too. The lesser insignificant was when I was in the ATM. There was a senior citizen and in toothless English he told me that he didn’t know how to get out money from an ATM. The guard offered to help. For 10-15mins,he lectured the old-timer. Finally they reached to where you press the button to make the machine spit out your cash. He shouted- “no, stop”. The guard asked “babaji, apko paise ni nikalni?”. The old dude says “Ni, kaha na mujhe ATM chlaani ni aati, toh sikhni thi”. And we were standing there so hungry, that we were ready to delve into the dustbins and eat the cash slips!!
The second was well- I don’t know what. I had set out my nightclothes to dry in the hosty laundry room. And when I wore them next, I saw someone had written what seemed to be like this with a black marker on the inside of my Tee: “Email ur PHOTO”. What???!!!!?? I mean, a guy asks you to that, it’s normal- they are despos. But bloody hell, I was in a girl’s hosty and if that happens here, it’s a major UH-OH. So I now never step out of my room at night!! And also, if you are reading this, Ms. Psycho, sorry I didn't, you didn't leave behind your email id, smarty!

Hii again...nothing's much happened since the last post. Except an outing to Sarojini market and another rain coffee. Well, I am a little offed today...not angry or anything, just because all my close friends would be leaving soon. Vipsteen left yesterday. We all miss those stupid lugaai-comments we used to pass on him. All we could give him was a couple of juice tetras, sandwiches and like that (the cafe nearby doesnt sell anything else)...but that was too less compared to what he gave us....lots of smiles and laughter on boring grey days.
Anshu, my guy-rating partner will b going tomorrow or the-day-after. I would miss her a lot too...apologies to you gal for teasing you with "psycho". Even as I am writing this she sits beside me, wagging her head and saying "sarojini market acha hai na"....And I'll never forget what happened today either. We were waiting outside's the prof's chamber for some work. A guy passed by and spontaneously, Anshu and I rated him. So this another friend, a guy, looks at us with round saucer eyes through his specs and says "girls rate too??". Darn right they do, buddy just that they whisper it out while pretending to read a book or something, they dont scream like junglees. A studious sincere guy like you would never know...infact few guys would:P. Funnier thing was, the same guy asks "what would you rate me if I walk by....2-3?" Ummmm......
And there's KiDdy too....I have never met a person in my life who uses lower decibels than her. Or well- anyone slimmer than her. And she survives totally on her cups of coffee--upto 15 a day.,,,see? Totally a drug-addict. Thanks for tolerating me all throughout, when you had to repeat the same sentence again and again when i couldn't catch what you said and kept replying "hain? kya?". Admit it: at some time you sure must have thought I am totally retarded. But galti aapki hai..Just for you, even my voice has dropped down by a score of decibels-something my parents wished for since my birth....n thanks for helping me with those stupid simulink proj. She is leaving tomorrow too. And Khu...I'll miss her sweet cute puppy expression when I slapped her right in the middle of the road with people watching and slammed my book on her back. And her awesomely sweet smile.
And the way we fought over-well----I'll leave that out...it will spoil my image back at coll. But sun le, wo laal 9-waali ab bhi meri hai, teri peeli waali. She'll leave on 10th I'll write more about more of my friends when its time for them to leave too....will miss you a lot friends....I really hope we meet again....<3

4th july....I day I messed up :(

Yesterday started off good, but finished in the worst way I could imagine...I had gone over to one of my brother's place at Noida and the weekend was awesome (barring Argentina losing to Germany). It started to rain on Sunday evening, just as we were setting out back to my hostel. Anyways, we reached my hostel at about 11. My friends I mentioned in my last post- Su and Khu were waiting up for me. In the awesome rain, in our pajamas we took a walk through the couple-strewn streets. By the time we reached the all-night coffee house, we were totally wet and our legs till the knees were brown-black from splashing through every single dirty puddle en route.
Anyone, who has a longing for "good life" should try a coffee in a rain shower....the feeling is awesome- the cold water drops gently caressing your face and hands and the hot tasty coffee slowly snaking and spreading its warmth through your oesophagus...oops!! I guess that spoils a nice romantic feel-line, but then again, I'm not much of a writer anyway or a romanticist either!!
Anyways, at about 12.04am, my phone beeped. It was from (the B at the last stands for Bhai- brother). "Check the date now" the message read. "What? 5th July, 00.04, y?" I typed back. And then it struck, his birthday had just passed by....and I hadn't wished. Its not that I didn't remember his birthday...it was that I had forgotten that what date it was.....I do that a lot, even forgot my parents' anniversary once. I am bad with dates, I keep forgetting them (even forgot yours, SS, sorry, and my apologies to a handful of other people :( ). And I felt more guilty than after my power electronics sem paper (that I didn't study well for an easy paper). I swear I could do anything to go back just a few hours....but that wasn't to be. So finally my guilt lessened a little after I had made him promise that he would forget my birthday too and wish me when I asked him to on 00.04 on 13th....and I really beg you to stick to that, B....I do not wish to add to your list of things which "prove" I'm "stupid"...:(:(....
So its 5th and raining again...

Life @ IITD

Damn! Its been ages since my last post, more so because I promised myself that I would post everyday, even more so since I had a computer with free internet about 15 hours a day!! Truth is, I was (and am) too wrapped up in my life here....I didn't even fill in about the second half about my pets, but honestly, life's more happening right now!!
I landed here on a hot night with papa. Soon enough, I shifted to hostel. My rumy is a pretty amusing little girl (Su). I owe her a lot for waking me up on time, else I would have ended up missing my breakfast everyday....people here prefer early dinners, at about 7.30. And the tummy starts bawling again at 1.30-2. I'll never forget how we guzzled down all those packets of junk food late at night while we had those movie-marathons. That day, I think it was 29th june, I met an old Ajmer friend (Khu). Since then, Su,Khu and mu (oriya for me) hang out everyday for meals and stuff...and all that craziness we did....rating guys,ragging Su (she's a year junior) and more, getting lost 10metres away from hostel and stuff I cant reveal here.
At my workplace (my lab), there are a bunch of awesome people too....besides anyone else, there are 3 people I like being with most: Vipsteen (no, not his name, his password, that I tease him about), Anshu**** and Ki***Di (Lets say, KiDdy). V is from Jallandhar, Anshu-meerut and KiDdy's from here. Anshu goes off early after that V, KiDdy and I work till late at night, about 1.Yeah, life's strenuous, but awesome....no restrictions, nothing. My prof gave me a nice fat book and said "don't sleep today, finish by tomorrow, give me a 'talk' at 10". So after finishing lab at 1:05 am, we three went to a popular hang-out place, called WindT yesterday. I don't remember what nonsense we talked, but it certainly wasn't about wind turbines (my topic). But I remember the awesome cups of coffee we had and the horrible sandwiches too, but who cares when you are really thirsty and hungry? We returned about 4.30 and we had to walk fast with heads bowed...to avoid the suspicious glares from the first batch of morning walkers :(. Then I studied till 5.30 or so until my rumy begged me to sleep (bless her!) and woke up at 10.30, watched some movie till 11.30, slept again and woke up at 1.30 when Khu dragged me with her for lunch (bless her too). Its when I came back to my room and saw my dry brush on my bed, I realized I had forgotten to brush today!! Who cares? Paalak paneer would have given my mouth the same stink anyway!!
And so life carries on....I'll keep updating for sure....got lots to tell, but there's a lot of work to do...