(written exactly on the ides of last month, the 15th of august,
forgot to post until today. Enjoy!)
Ouch! I bent down and rubbed my poor foot. The flat large (size 8) chubby things were smarting red from the torture of my new shoes. Happens every time I “break in” a new shoe. But not as much as today, because this was not one of my usual flat comfy soft-soled thingies but the very feminine sequined and heeled type that made such an embarrassing tik-tok when I walked, it was more than once that I had resisted the desire to slip them off and throw them away. Whose idea was it? Who else? My mom’s!!! My foot size ensures that the beautiful delicate styles are always beyond my reach. So she jumps at nearly any feminine footwear that’s not a floater or a slipper and also would condescend enough to let my feet get into it. She had to do some heavy coaxing to make me understand that this wasn’t college and I couldn’t project the wild maverick image I had back then. I guess you have seen me… well I really don’t know what you think of me but I am guessing it can’t be flattering…. 5’3’’ might not be short to some but to me it is: I have always been wowed by heights in the neighborhood of a six and I found 5’3’’ very distasteful. What I lacked in the vertical dimension went into increasing my horizontal dimension, centred around my tummy. Yeah “size zero” is in and here I seem to have my own perception of “zero”…one that’s interpreted literally! Unfortunately my very nice ample “Zero” resulted in a wobbly centre-of-mass (I think) and coupled with flat feet, I end up with a gait like a penguin’s. And my face? Well mum says if you could place a compass on the tip of my nose, it would trace my face’s contours!! I have large eyes like a cow caught in a headlight, hidden behind specs and over them, I used to have a black spiked dense bush what people mundanely call eyebrows. My hands are hirsute too. And I let them be that way because I couldn’t ever get the fact which guy can be so precious for a girl to bear so much pain of plucking them off!!!! And hair!! Yeah I get them chopped in a parlor, but hardly once a year….any misbehaving lock from my mane has to face the agony of dad’s moustache clippers or my own paper cutter. Do I do justice to the above pic now? And my idea of clothing is a comfy pair of jeans or shorts and the largest t-shirt lying about. No, I am straight, very!! I did tell you I was wild and moreover this indifference came from an irrevocable knowledge: that the stuff one drools upon in M&Bs, Sehgal’s and Sparks’ are plain fictional, such perfection doesn’t exist in the real life and any other specimen would be a pathetically mediocre compromise! So I took the easier path: avoiding and trying my best to repel any misconceptions or suggestions of alliance and dalliance…..and hence having a blissfully peaceful and uncomplicated existence. And honestly, off the record, I have mixed feelings about it, just like I do about everything else: it can suck without any attention but when I do get it, I wish I’d rather be a corner-flower…hehehe. Ah that’s me babbling away from the topic again!
I think this is the first such post where I have rambled on without musing on what the next line is gonna be. Or even what the topic is going to be about. I am writing spontaneously, without chalking out an outline and I am writing the first thought that comes to me. So enjoy a peep into how my mind works! ;)
I wrote mainly because some people, who just can’t have enough of my typical brain-sucking, asked me to write more. And so I did. And honestly, I realize I have missed it. So I, for once, liberated from the constraints of any topic or care for corrigibility, decided to write about myself. Truly as I perceive myself. Yes, that was an issue too….several people have branded me as a “mysterious puzzle”, some going as far as an “unpredictable unfathomable vixen”. Is it that bad?? That’s true a bit I guess….I am more of the listener and if I open up to some-one, I can be quite talkative but discussing my inner state is usually a big no-no. About what ticks me, well…there’s lots of them: good company, good food, good song, a good fight…….and about what turns me off…well, sarcasm, most of all, then invading my space….as usual the list is long! I think that’s enough for now.
Anyways so skipping back to the context broached upon 2 paragraphs before, when I took up this job, mum decided I needed a make-over. Nice shoes, nice watch, tidy hair…and prim pressed salwar-suits every day, even a napkin for my nose, another for my face, yet another for spreading out on my lap while eating…… …aaargh!!!! But that’s how it is. The new “job” life. And I can’t say I have been looking forward for it. College life was so much better….carefree and fun without a damn to anything….no complicacies like workplace etiquettes or timings. And I feel sorely out of place. I can’t get over the feeling of not being student and so immaturities in most of my actions still persist. And it just isn’t me…most friends are facing the flak of this “shock” right now. You just can’t lick off a molten chocolate with your fingers here, or “half share” a cold-drink, or plunge your hand into some-one else’s lunch-box without asking or play truth-&-dare or scream at the top of your voices. And what sucks more is to have to teach the people who can still do that. Woe is me indeed! And a bigger woe are these damned shoes!! I fall off from even my flat platforms, these were a horror! They kept getting stuck at every bit of slushy ground I laid my feet on and I had to be careful not to appear like a dog digging up the ground for a bone. It’s so tough to be a girl! As I keep telling to anyone who bothers to listen to the thought, every guy who disrespects a woman should get his bum kicked into some parlour, have a hair to toe treatment including waxes and threads, slipped into spaghetti and minis and a stiletto….for a day. That should drill some respect into his head!!
Oh yes, talking about myself, people keep asking me what I am up to right now. Well, I gave up the Tata Power job, which was an on-campus placement and I joined as RA in a university here instead. I shall be here, at home, gearing up for the long wait until the call from some univ. Touchwood!! And maybe, work on myself, as I promised. I am not the image I had in mind…of the type of person I wanted to be. I am volatile and fickle. And sometimes, immature. Several times I fail to fathom the real depth of someone’s feelings. I want to change all that. I want to be like Alan or Fleinhardt (Numb3rs, current obsession) who solve every emotional conundrum with a wise brief sentence and always appear so balanced and cool. Maybe I will someday be like that. Hopefully! Hey that reminds me….the latest is Colby Granger/Dylan Bruno!!! Gotcha? MIT and quarterback and acting-FBI agent do make a dangerously alluring combo!! :D
PS- I read this post and I hope it doesn’t come across as a depressive dissatisfied babbles of a budding sociopath on the brink of a breakdown. On the contrary!! I shall always be, as you know me and the description was really an attempt to lighten up everything…..I have realized the safest area for jokes is oneself and not other’s shortcomings! And about looks, once again I am not dissatisfied; I am more than content to look how I am…... After all, I hardly lack attention to desire any more ;-)…or realistically have it this way: I am better off without a schmuck who values only looks!
And I am returning to my floaters tomorrow. The heels may RIP! I am signing off now. May the Justice League up above who makes the universe roll give me some profound sense to write something sensible and relevant topic next time!
And wait one more thing!!! Did I mention I am trying to pick up some Italian and Spanish (I prefer the latter). Why on Earth??? Well….who knows? The fabled dreamy “perfection” (80% of them all are either spanish or italian, god knows why!) might just decide to jump out of that M&B and meet me in some alley some day….and I would be ready then with my “Buenos dias, guapo cara!!”* and a smile- but alas!! Even my grin looks like……um…..let’s say Katy Perry’s in TGIF! Know what I mean now?? Woe is….sigh… :-B
For the moment, Buenas noches!!** Buena Suerte!***
[a PS to PS : for normal people, an index]
*Goodmorning, attractive face!
And common…you should know the meaning of Mi Amor!